


Brevity

by yawworht17



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2018-10-24 18:21:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 44
Words: 18,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10747251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yawworht17/pseuds/yawworht17
Summary: They're dating. I'm going to keep my short, disjointed stuff here.





	1. Breath

In. Out. In. Out.

Jillian is rising and falling slightly with Erin’s chest, ear turned, listening to her heartbeat.

Up. Down. Up. Down.

Ebb and flow. Tidal rhythm. The downs are slightly longer than the ups, she notices. Is her breathing like that? She’s not thought to listen, recently. Erin yawns suddenly, lifting Jillian higher, for longer. She giggles softly. Hears Erin smile. 

“Comfy?” Erin’s voice reaches her ears normally from above, low and muffled through her chest from below. Trippy. Jillian smiles, gently squeezing the sides of the ribcage supporting her.

She feels side muscles stretch as an arm extends out from the couch to gently drop the book, hears its faraway thump on the carpet three feet below. What was she reading again? That new novel. Hardcover. It was green. Must ask. Erin’s arms come back down to circle her.

_You have the longest arms._

She likes to duck under them for hugs, pulled into Erin’s skinny side. Or circle underneath from behind, grabbing her middle. But she’s wrapped in both of them now, sinking deeper. She feels the soft cotton of the T-shirt on her cheek, the warmth seeping through it.

Up. Down. Up. Down. A cough. Up. Down.

The arms rest across her lower back. Thumbs brush against the strip of skin between her T-shirt and waistband. Her bottom eye is closed, but the top opens to catch the edge of a sleeve. Is this her dominant eye? It’s not her winking eye. That’s an upper arm. Back super sensitive, inside super soft. She has to be careful when she kisses there: Erin’s ticklish. She likes to know these arms are waiting for her. They’re wonderful arms, holding her. During the day, she thinks about coming back to them.  


_No woman should walk around un-armed._

She smiles a bit, relaxes even more, sinks deeper. Erin is so warm, so solid. She’s not too heavy, Erin promised. Very light, actually. It was a surprise, she had said. Light but intense. Fluorine, but not toxic. That makes Erin carbon, she guesses. It’s been so long since chemistry.

In. Out. In. Out.

When she lifts her face, they might kiss. Slowly untangle and go to bed, and the sheets will be cold and then warm. Or she might fall asleep, and Erin will kiss her awake. Or they’ll both fall asleep, and wake up when someone has to pee. Hopefully many minutes from now. How many minutes have passed? The world is warm and nicely muted, with her ear pressed below to the thud thud thud. Her own yawn now, and she breathes in Erin. She’s everywhere. People think she can’t be still, but she can be still, she just needs a place.

Up. Down. Up. Down.


	2. Lazy Sundays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck Mondays. Lazy Sundays, amirite?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of these comments are so appreciated - thank you!

She had always assumed she just wasn’t programmed to enjoy lazy Sundays. Luxuriating in warm sheets with a magazine was always interrupted by a nagging sense of guilt. Countless quiet mornings were shattered by the deafeningly loud sounds of research not getting done, laundry piled up in a corner, or unworn running shoes. The screech of her responsibilities could only be shouted down by a mimosa-wielding Abby (“brunch, Erin!”), or overcome by physical exhaustion.

But now, she was alert, physically fit (her person having been assiduously inspected by a certain someone last night), and she did not plan on moving for any goddamn reason. She snuggled deeper, surrounded by the smell of Holtzmann, whose back was pressed against her belly and breasts. Smiling at the sunlight hitting the ceiling, she bent her head to plant a kiss on the white shoulder in front of her.

“Mhmm… Morning! At your service, ready for anything,” she mumbled, rolling over to face Erin without opening her eyes, raising both hands to point finger guns that were slightly askew.

“You’re ready for literally nothing.”

Holtzmann gave an offended scoff.

“You’re naked.”

“I can do things naked.”

“I know!”

Holtzmann grinned, “You’re blushing.”

“I am not! Your eyes are closed.”

The grin widened. “You blushed for me last night, and it was amazing. And don’t need my eyes open. I can use my hands,” she reached out and her fingertips made a staccato run up Erin’s belly. Erin laughed and kissed the upturned face.

Just then, her stomach made a loud rumble under Jillian’s fingers. Jillian opened her eyes, and Erin was momentarily stunned by the blue.

“You’re hungry.”

“Not enough to move.”

“I’ll move! Bagels?” Holtzmann took a deep breath and sprung up, motioning for Erin to toss her jeans. “Pants me, Gilbert! Hey, that usually means the opposite, doesn’t it?”

Erin gave a small, involuntary whine at the loss of warmth. Holtzmann’s face broke into a shit-eating grin, and Erin turned her face away, bending over her side of the bed, tossing Jillian her jeans from the floor. Jillian tugged on her pants, grabbed a shirt from the wardrobe, and hopped on the bed and over top of Erin and bent down next to her.

“Miss me? I’ll get us some provisions, and then we can figure out what else you had on your mind,” she slid her hand under the covers to skim Erin’s thigh. “Now, stay in bed: doctor’s orders.”

“You’re not that kind of doctor.”

Holtzmann waved her hand dismissively.

“And I am also a doctor.”

“So we’ll play doctor, then. Be back in twenty.”

Erin laughed, watching a now fully-dressed, if rumpled, Holtzmann at the doorway.

“Thank you… for taking care of me.”

Holtzmann yawned and stretched her arms over her head, “Truly my pleasure.”

“But if you’re not back in twenty, I’m taking care of myself.”

It was Holtzmann’s turn to blush.


	3. Wet Blanket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I realized I was only 58 words away from an even 1000. So enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sending so much love: you're rockin' my world. Prompts welcome!

Always the practical one, she insisted it would be cold rather than hot, awkward rather than erotic. But Jillian had peeked around the curtain with eyes bright, droplets clinging to her collarbone. She was never gladder to be wrong than she was under the spray, fingertips sliding over slick skin, chasing rivulets down Jillian’s neck with her tongue.


	4. 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a lunatic, you just picked a wonderful number, WednesdayGilfillian.

“72?”

“My first favourite number,” she confirmed, Holtz’s fingers twisting lazily through her hair.

“Think of all its factors. Like, ‘the gang’s all here!.’ And the prime factorization is 23 x 32, which is also neat…”

She stopped at Holtz’s amazed stare.

“Wow, I was so lame. I never stood a chance, did I?”

Grinning, Holtz shook her head, hand sliding to Erin’s cheek.

“No, I never stood a chance.”


	5. Clarity

It took Erin forever for that moment of clarity.

That night, she found an exhausted Holtzmann curled up on the couch, one eye closed and one eye defiantly squinting at the TV. Outwardly concerned (but secretly flattered) to see that she had waited up, Erin pulled her to her feet and nudged her towards the bedroom.

She flicked the bedside lamp on, keeping the light low in deference to tired eyes. Holtz yawned widely, rubbing her eyes with her fists. Erin smiled, stepping forward to tap the buttons of her overalls.

“May I?”

Holtz nodded, sleepily.

Erin undid the clasps and let the baggy overalls fall off the slight frame and to the floor. Holtz stepped out of the heap of fabric, padding towards the bathroom as Erin took a gentle, playful swat at her backside. Picking up the discarded clothes and adding her own to the hamper, she could hear the water running as Holtz fumbled through her evening routine, coming back smelling of soap and toothpaste, skin chilled from the tap water.

“Turndown service. Fresh T-shirt?”

Holtz nodded sleepily, plopping onto the mattress. She lifted her arms obediently as Erin tugged off her top. Erin felt a surge of warmth at the innocence of the gesture, followed by a very non-innocent flush at a nearly-naked Jillian. Always incandescent, in the soft glow of the lamp, she was radiant. Holtz caught her looking and did a small shimmy.

The blonde head popped through the T-shirt and lowered to the pillow, but Erin’s hand hovered at the lampswitch. She felt a pull to memorize sleepy Jillian, an image to tuck away alongside a thousand others. Jillian cackling with laughter along with Patty. Jillian making toast. Jillian beaming with the joy of discovery that Erin had somehow let the academy beat out of her. Jillian, her protector, handing her a weapon and trusting her to use it. Jillian, brow furrowed in concentration. Jillian, overjoyed at something wacky or dangerous or…

“I love you.”

Her own voice surprised her. Holtz turned her head.

“So much.”

Holtz sat up, eyes almost fully open.

“I… I’m sorry I haven’t said it until now. But I think… you’re just… I’ve loved you every day.”

Holtz raised her eyebrows and then her arms, and Erin sat gently and pulled her towards her. Jillian buried her face in Erin’s shoulder, muffling her response.

“I love you, too. No, actually. I love you one. I was first.”

Erin smiled and kissed her temple. “You’re so much braver than I am. You are… it’s just that… you’re extraordinary.”

They sat still for a moment.

“Can… can I sleep?”

“Holtzma… yes, of course you can sleep. Why would you ask that?”

“I… I don’t want to miss… am I supposed…”

Erin lowered her back onto the pillows, and flipped off the lamp before crawling in next to her.

“You’re supposed to sleep. I’m still going to love you when you wake up.”


	6. Legs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got drunk and wrote this the other day...

_Umm… why am I operating the giant untested nuclear laser?  
Because you have the longest arms._

She did have the longest arms, but she also had the _longest_ legs. Good god.

She come back from lunch with former colleagues wearing a sensible pencil skirt. At her workstation she grabbed the table, lifting a leg and bending slightly to pull off a heel, and Holtz had almost lit the goddamn lab on fire.

And if that had been her final vision, she could have done worse.

But she could do better, she realized now, kneeling in front of Erin who was seated on the bed.

At lunch, Erin was next to her, legs crossed demurely, and she couldn’t resist placing her fingertips lightly on a thigh. She didn’t think that Erin had it in her, but fuck if she didn’t _lean into it_ , sliding Jillian’s fingertips down until they met the bare skin just above her knee…

It had been all Holtz could do to wait until they got home. Erin had laughed as she had marched them directly into the bedroom, obligingly leaving her heels on. Feeling the carpet under her knees, Jillian buried her face in Erin’s stomach, running her fingertips slowly up the inside of her calf. Erin’s grip on her shoulders tightened as she shuddered, voice dropping dangerously,

“Jill…”

Jillian smiled against her blouse, sliding both hands up to squeeze her ass over the skirt. Erin’s fingers played lightly in her hair.

“You looked nice today,” she said, words muffled against Erin’s body.

“Nice?”

“Edible.”

Erin shuddered, “Take it off.”

Jillian turned her around and slowly drew down the zipper. As she pulled off the skirt, she slid her hands firmly after it, smiling at Erin’s sharp intake of breath as her thumbs stroked the inside of her thighs. Shuddering, Erin dropped forward onto the bed, Jillian behind her, pressing her front into Erin’s back.

“Oh god… Jill,..”

“Mhmm…” she replied, nipping at an ear from behind, “You’re warm.”

“Burning.”

“For?”

“You know what for.”

“Do I?”

Erin sighed and pressed backward, pushing firmly into Jillian’s center.

“I think you do.”

Jillian pulled back and knelt on the floor, and Erin spun to sit. Reaching up with a grin, Jillian slowly started to undo the buttons of Erin’s blouse, humming to herself.

“All day…”  
“Jill?”

“I waited. All. Damn. Day.”

“Really?”

“We talked about that skirt.”

“Really?”

Blouse open, Erin leaned back, and Jillian hooked her thumbs in the side of her underwear, fingertips brushing her thighs. Erin shuddered.

“Oh god.”

“Can I help you?”

“Yes, please,” she breathed.

“Really?”

Erin groaned… “I’m so…”

“Hmmm?”

“… warm.”

“Really?”

“I’ll kill you.”

Jillian grinned, “You might, maybe I should build up a tolerance. Have a little bit every day. Just to be safe.” Erin lifted and Jillian pulled and then she was bare. Leaning forward, Jillian slowly kissed up the inside of a thigh, soft lips moving from the knee inward, excruciatingly slowly. Eyes riveted as she moved closer, Erin breathed hard at the breath on her thigh, leg falling gently to the side…

Jillian grasped her heel before pulling back.

“Are these new shoes?”

“Son of a…” Erin practically yelled.

Jillian grinned, reached forward to cup Erin’s behind, and finally, finally moved forward.

“Say my name when you come,” were the last words she said for a while.


	7. Lucky Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some incredibly talented people on here putting certain thoughts in my head...

 Erin raised her head to look at the open bedroom window, the curtains gently breathing in and out with the night air.

She looked back down at the beam from the streetlight falling across the expanse of pale, bare back in front of her, watching Jillian’s ribs expanding as she, less gently, breathed in and out.

…

She wasn’t usually playing this role. She loved what they did, and was content to crawl all over Jillian at the slightest invitation, but Jillian was usually the more assertive one. She was the one to say “Wanna bang?” instead of, “Let’s go to bed,” to be the first to shuck off her clothes, to rake her eyes unselfconsciously over Erin’s body, to pad to the bathroom stark naked, to suggest they try something new…

Usually.

…

“Err… Erin. Erin. Erin.”

“Mhmm,” she murmured ran her right hand over smooth skin, down the column of her spine, winding her fingers through blonde hair at the nape of her neck.

A strangled sound came from the body bent before her, an outstretched fist gripped the blankets.

“Yes?” She smiled a little at how low her own voice had gotten. She slid her left hand back to cup the curve of her ass. Bent lower, she exhaled. “How can I help you?”

…

They had talked in generalities before about how Erin felt bolder and Jillian felt safer, and how they would always stop if either of them asked. But not any specifics. So it was a surprise to both of them when Jillian reached for that familiar drawer next to the bed and Erin’s hand followed.

…

Jillian groaned, “You stopped.”

“Paused.”

“Well, un-pause!”

Erin grinned, and slid a hand around her front, tracing light circles.

…

They had come home hours earlier, carrying dinner. Erin had pulled off a major coup, winning them some grant funding, and Jillian was practically bouncing off the walls.

“God, Erin that was… you were incredible. I forget that you’re so _brilliant_ …” she babbled, unpacking the food.

Erin smiled, picking at an open food container. “Ugh, it felt amazing! Thank you! That means a lot. Hey, can I have some wine?”

“At your service… anything for Dr. Gilbert. Seriously… competence is so sexy… wow,” Jillian slid a glass across the counter.

Erin’s fingers brushed Jillian’s around the stem of the wine glass, “Anything?”

Jillian grinned and raised an eyebrow.

…

“Fuck…” she heard Jillian moan.

“This looks incredible.”

“I know, Erin, I’ve… been there… it feels… please don’t stop.”

“You bring this out in me.”

…

Something about the night’s success, and the wine, and Jillian was just the right amount of intoxicating to silence that stupid inner voice of self-doubt. She snapped, and then she was snapping with her teeth, her lips, her tongue, her fingers… anything to drink her in. And thank God, because dammit if the sight of Jillian on her knees wasn’t the most erotic thing she’d ever seen.

…

Another breeze drifted through the curtains as she gently, ponderously started to rock her hips.

“Thrusting is hard.”

“Ugh.”

“Never thought about the physics before… deceptively simple.”

“Unh…”

"Learned from the best... though..."

She ran her hands back up and down Jillian’s sides.

“All good?” she whispered, still rocking.

“Oh, FUCK me, already.”

“Into tomorrow,” she promised, smiling at the window.


	8. Low

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadness - remember, you're allowed to be sad for no reason! Hang in there on the low days, people.

Maybe she should have expected it – that there would be balance, two sides to the coin.

Holtz is so brilliant, in every sense of the word. Her intellect glows, and her smile is bright, and when she’s joyful, it radiates. But if the highs are high, then the lows are low. Probably when you are so fully yourself, throwing yourself completely into the world, you get a little extra damaged.

She doesn’t see it at first, and it breaks her heart that maybe Jillian had tried to hide it because Erin knows. She’s felt it. The nothingness, the panic, the fear of everything slipping away. The conviction that something is so fundamentally _wrong_ about her, but not even in an interesting way.

They were on the couch, and she saw the eyes a tad duller, the smile a little slower. She saw a note of defeat in her slouch, a gaze that stopped in the middle distance, not quite reaching the TV. A month ago she might have missed it, but when somebody is in your bed so often and your heart so completely, you start to notice.

And even though she’s felt it herself, it’s so much worse somehow when Jillian feels it. Even if Jillian _knows_ rationally the love that’s around her, she won’t feel it now. But she will later, so she gathers her in her arms, hoping it’s the right thing. Kisses her lips once, doesn’t shush her or ask for an explanation when she feels tears roll over her arms.

She knows that it just has to pass. So she’s holding her on her chest, and kissing her temple, lightly, and murmuring to her that she loves her. Just repeating it, incessantly. I’m happy you’re here, I’m happy you’re here, I’m happy you’re here.


	9. Restless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Any other stressed out insomniacs out there?

“It’s been an hour.”

Erin started.

“You’re still up?”

“Must be the kicking.”

Erin winced, “Whoops. Sorry…”

Holtzmann sighed and rolled over, looking deeply annoyed.

“I love you?” Erin offered.

“And that’s why you have to kill me?”

Jillian pushed lightly at Erin’s shoulder, rolling her over and pressing her front into her back.

“Are you making a guitar?”

“What?”

“You’re fretting.”

Erin sighed, “I’m just…”

Jillian kissed the back of her neck, pulling her closer, pulling the blankets closer around them.

“Frustrated. You’re frustrated. You can’t stop thinking. It’s not your fault. Will you try something for me? Maybe we can quiet that busy mind,” her voice was low and heavy with sleep.

“OK…”

“I know it feels hopeless, but you need sleep. I need sleep. We need sleep. Minor bug in the makeup of these engines, if you follow me.”

“I’m telling myself not to think!”

“And how’s that working?”

Erin clenched her jaw.

Jillian kissed her shoulder again. “OK, picture the inside of your brain. Can you see the thoughts?”

“Jill, I don’t think…”

“Please.”

Erin exhaled.

“Breathe with me,” Jillian murmured, inhaling deeply when she felt the expansion of Erin’s lungs.

“Good. Now, can you push those thoughts away for me? You can, you’re so strong. Roll them to the side. Those are tomorrow’s thoughts.” She felt the tension loosen marginally, and smiled against Erin's shoulder. 

“Breathe again,” she whispered.

This time, the breath was seized by a yawn which tugged air into the slender frame.

“This is sleep time. Sleep space. You’ll figure it out later. When it’s time. Tomorrow. Trust yourself. I trust you,” Jillian mumbled, giving her another squeeze around the middle.

Erin’s breathing slowed, evening out gradually.

“Relaaaaaax,” Jillian felt herself drifting off, hanging on just long enough to feel Erin let herself go.

 

 

 


	10. Wanted

She was getting the hang of this, she thought. Did she feel like she had Jillian’s confidence? No. But did she tense up like she used to? Also no. So she was feeling pretty pleased with herself now, straddling Holtzmann, who was sitting against the headboard, also looking very pleased with herself.

It was lazy, she mused. Like they were strolling with no destination in particular. She kissed a winding trail up Jillian’s cheek, tracing the crease of her ear with a fingertip. Jillian slipped her tongue into Erin’s mouth with alarming ease, and Erin shuddered. Jillian walked her fingers up Erin’s stomach, eliciting a giggle, before lightly circling her breast. She dragged her fingertips down the outside of Holtzmann’s arms, interlaced their fingers. Holtzmann stretched their arms up as high as she could before releasing them.

She tugged at Erin’s shirt, kissing her jawline from below. “Time for this to come off?”

“Yesss,” she could hear herself hiss. “Please. Slowly.”

“You do it,” Holtzmann sat back, grinning.

“I, umm. I don’t know how.”

“My god, how do you shower?”

“Holtzmann!”

 “Gilbert.”

Jillian raised an eyebrow, her favourite non verbal way of asking a question.

“I feel....”

“You _look_ sexy.”

Erin blew out a breath.

“Listen,” Jillian slid a hand up her back, pulling her closer, “I take getting you out of your clothes as a deadly serious pursuit. Truly.”

Erin smiled.

“It’s a favourite activity. It’s like… unwrapping a present,” Holtzmann grinned, “But remember last week when I came home and you were right there in the hallway, and then you…”

Erin flushed.

Jillian grinned, “And we ended up against the door? That was nice, too. I felt umm…” she trailed off because Erin’s fingers had gone to her top button.

“Wanted. You felt wanted." Jillian nodded.

"Like I was doing it _for_ you? Like I was waiting for you?”

She could see Jillian swallow. She undid another button.

“Like I wanted you to see?”

She was halfway done, and she paused.

“I always want you to see.”

Jillian flushed now, reaching for the exposed strip of skin down Erin’s middle. Shirt open, Erin took her hands and pressed them back to her sides.

“What if I want you to watch?” she whispered.

 


	11. Musing

Lying on her side, she gently traces the bumps of the spine in front of her.

Inside that spinal column, signals shoot down from her brain (her beautiful brain) and out into her limbs. They curl her fingers and lift her coffee mug, and stretch to pass pens to Patty, and flex to push whiteboard markers in smooth trails across the gleaming surfaces, leaving looping integrals and stacks of equations that trace the mysteries of the universe.

She drifts to the side and traces a mole and imagines the ribs under her fingers gracefully bowing outward, forming a cage around expanding lungs and a heart beating a thud thud thud in time with her own. Considers the nerve endings reporting every step as she walks her fingertips across her lover’s back. Wonders if there are goosebumps – _horripilation,_ bad word – rising on her forearms in response.

All of the mechanics are advanced, but the soul is impossible, she thinks, kissing the mole before pressing her cheek back into the pillow, scooting closer.


	12. Kitchen Table

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit different - am I doing it right?

If you had asked her, she would have insisted it would feel like a gynecological exam. Like she was being scrutinized. Like she looked ridiculous.

That was before her back hit the kitchen table.

…

She had nearly fallen in the door, tension radiating off of her. Jillian looked over and grinned.

“Hi!”

Erin made a strangled sound and let out a long exhale.

“That kind of day?”

“I forgot the university could be like this. Everyone is so… uptight! Obsessive. Why did I work there again?”

“I don’t want to answer that.”

“Ha-ha,” Erin put her hands over her eyes, exhaling deeply. Tangling her fingers in her own hair, Erin raked her eyes over Jillian who was resting with limbs spread languidly on the couch. She could feel herself squirm, and she squeezed her eyes closed. Jillian grinned.

“Take your mind off it?”

“Please.”

“I love it when you say that.”

Holtzmann sprang up and headed for the bedroom, which suddenly seemed very, very far away to Erin. Impossibly far. Unnecessarily far. When Erin didn’t follow, Jillian turned and raised an eyebrow, mouth falling open when Erin stepped back and slid onto the kitchen table.

“Come back when you’ve gotten what you needed,” she said blithely, unbuttoning her blouse.

…

Now, Holtzmann was sitting half-naked in a chair between her thighs, massaging firmly with her thumbs. Erin propped herself up on her elbows to make eye contact. A flushed Holtzmann grinned back at her.

“That feel good?”

“Oh god… yes. Fuck,” she exhaled as Jillian placed a thumb just above her clit, pulling upwards.

Jillian smiled, “Can move it without touching it. Neat, huh? Increased blood flow so…” she glanced up at Erin’s raised eyebrow, “Too much commentary?”

Erin shuddered, struggling to form sentences, “Sometimes I love it when you overthink things.”

“You look incredible,” Jillian muttered, thumb still moving slowly, the other hand popping the top off the bottle of lube she had brought from the bedroom.

“You’re a genius,” Erin breathed.

“Talk dirty to me,” Jillian smiled, sliding slick fingers gently inward, pushing her thumbs downward to tease her opening.

Erin leaned back flat on the table, eyes sliding shut. She drew her knees up so her heels rested on the edge of the table. Jillian’s breath hitched, “Jesus, Erin…”

“Jill… please.”

Standing to get better leverage, she blanched briefly at the sight of Erin on her back. Still rubbing lightly with one hand, she firmly slid inwards. Erin’s hands grasped at the edge of the table, eyes sliding closed to focus on the sensation.

“I don’t know what gave you this idea…” Jillian breathed, “But I don’t hate it.”

…

A few minutes later, Erin sat up, flushed and breathless, stark naked and disheveled on the kitchen table. Jillian stood, almost laughing as she brought their faces level, and their lips together.

“Fuck…” Erin swallowed. “I dunno why…”

Jillian stroked the inside of a thigh, gently, tracing light circles. “Don’t,” she said. “I like you like this. I mean I like you always, but…” She kissed her shoulder, near her collarbone. Erin wrapped a leg around Jillian’s, pulling her closer.

“You’re so good with your hands,” she mumbled into Jillian’s neck. “So… argh…” she faltered, “I mean, I know, I watch you work. Not that I think about this at work!”

Jillian pulled back, grinning. “Is this table a workbench surrogate?”

Erin closed her eyes. “I’m going to stop talking.”

Jillian shook her head, “This table’s not for working. You’ve made that clear before.” She moved her hand to stroke Erin’s belly.

“Because of the burn marks! And the gouges!”

“I remember! Do you remember what else you said?”

When Erin leaned back to look her in the eye, Jillian grinned wolfishly.

“You said, ‘Holtzmann, maybe we should keep this table for eating…’”

…

Erin’s mouth dropped open.

“Can you go again?”

“You’ve already…”

“I want to kiss you all over,” Jillian cut her off. “You’re not selfish,” she kissed her shoulder, pre-empting Erin’s anxiety, “Let me… just this once. Or… just this twice, I guess?”

Erin nodded, and Jillian kissed her slowly, slipping her tongue into Erin’s mouth and earning a shiver of anticipation. Jillian’s hand pressed firmly on her lower belly, guiding her downwards.

“Good girl,” smiled Holtzmann, kissing her way slowly up her thighs.


	13. Call Waiting

 It had felt like Friday since Tuesday, at least. It was a perfect storm of responsibilities, and if they weren’t putting out literal fires (Holtzmann) they were putting out administrative fires (Erin). Jillian wasn’t sure if Erin was more scared of ghosts or shoddy record keeping, but she had clearly set out on a mission to eradicate both.

So by Friday afternoon, she was not at all surprised when Erin stepped through the apartment door, leaned down to wrap her arms around her, and buried her face in her shoulder.

She was very surprised when she felt the broad, rough surface of Erin’s tongue scrape against her skin, followed by a nip of teeth where her shoulder met her neck.

“Please take me.”

Holtzmann froze, unsure if she had imagined the words mumbled against her neck.

“Dr. Gilbert?”

“You heard me.”

Erin dropped her hands to Jillian’s hips, but didn’t lift her face. Jillian kneaded Erin’s back lightly, feeling her own temperature rising.

“I can _feel_ you blushing.”

Erin squeezed her hips lightly, “I just…”

“You’re tense,” Jillian said, kneading harder.

“Yes,” Erin whispered.

“And you’d like some help with that?”

She could feel lips press softly into her neck again.

Jillian grinned.

“My absolute pleasure,” she said, voice low, dropping her hands lower.

...

When Erin’s back hit the bed, Holtzmann was on her in a second. Most of their clothes had been discarded on the journey, but she arched her back so Jillian’s hands could slide under her body and unclasp her bra. Pulling back with a grin to fling it away, Jillian grasped the sides of her underwear and pulled them down her legs with one fluid motion.

“I’m glad you grasp… god, Jill… the… urgency of this situation,” she managed to stutter as Jillian crawled back up her body.

“You’re wound… so… tightly,” Jillian replied, punctuating her words with wet, open-mouthed kisses over her belly and torso.

“I could scream.”

“I could make you,” she quipped instantly, gently pushing Erin’s knees apart.

Even in her current state, Erin had to smile, “Have me, then,” she smiled into light blue eyes.

…

Erin was beyond thought, somewhere on the border of agony and ecstasy. Her breath was ragged as the fingers of her right hand wound through soft blonde hair, and the left clenched the bedsheets in a fist. Jillian had gone softly and maddeningly slow, and then hard, and it was wet and obscene and gorgeous. She ground down, and Jillian squeezed her thighs encouragingly, promising to go harder, harder, harder…

And then the phone rang.

“Nooooo,” Erin practically whimpered, nearly frantic.

Pulling back smoothly, Jillian planted a soft kiss on the inside of her thigh. Replacing her mouth with her left hand, she wiped her mouth on the back of her right before grabbing the phone off the nightstand.

“Hey there!” she chirped into the line.

“Holtzmann!” Erin hissed, before the fingers of Holtzmann’s left hand started to move in circles and she had to clamp her mouth shut, gripping the sheets with both fists.

“Hey Abby! Oh nothing, just having a bite to eat,” Jillian answered with a Cheshire-cat grin, as Erin bit her lip and stared daggers.

“Erin? No… has she left the lab? I expect she’ll be coming soon, then,” she winked at Erin, squeezing lightly with her fingers now.

“Oh, so what’s the issue?” Erin’s mouth fell open. Unable to restrain herself, she started to rock her hips slowly against Jillian’s fingers, bringing her hands up to cup her breasts, starting Jillian right in the eye. To her satisfaction, Jillian stuttered.

“Umm… well… yeah… I mean, maybe we should work, _independently_ on that for a bit. Maybe we can each… take care of ourselves… I mean, our own part,” she swallowed, eyes riveted on Erin undulating beneath her. Erin swallowed and tilted her head back, squeezing her breasts.

“Well listen, something’s heating up… yeah, left it on the stove, so… will tell her. Bye!” She leaned over Erin, bringing her thigh up to press between her legs, dropping the phone on the nightstand.

“Unbelievable!” Erin wrapped her arms around Jillian’s back.

“I know! And that was just my left hand,” she grinned, dropping her head to bite the side of Erin’s neck. “Now, where was I?”


	14. Power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was 51 words away from an even 5,300.

The lamplight dim, her breath is warm just below Erin’s naval, shoulders soft under Erin’s fingertips. On her knees like this, she is beautifully submissive, giving Erin the safety she will need to surrender so completely, crying out with fingers tangled in her hair and a leg thrown over her shoulder.

 

 


	15. Changes

 

She’s pulling off her shirt and Jillian is on her knees kissing her stomach. She’s soft, almost reverent, smiling against Erin’s skin. _This is how she’d kiss me if we had a baby_ , Erin thinks. The thought has never occurred before, they certainly haven’t talked about something so huge. _Why aren’t I freaking out?_ She thinks. _I should be freaking out._

Jillian nudges her towards the bed and crawls up after her, bringing their lips together, tracing the outline of Erin’s bra with a finger. She pulls back.

“Whatcha thinkin bout?” she asks, rolling to her side and propping her head up with her free hand.

“Who says I was thinking?”

“You’re always thinking,” she smiles, “and your lips stopped moving.”

Erin gave an indignant scoff and Jillian grinned, leaning in again. Determined, Erin bit her bottom lip, slowly tugging with her teeth.

“That’s better!” Jillian smiled, rolling on top of her, pinning her wrists beside her head and peppering light kisses over her collarbone. “But I know you were thinking. You’re allowed! Feel free to share. Just if you want.”

Erin smiled. Jillian nuzzled between her breasts, hair ticking Erin’s chin.

“I was just thinking… how different everything is, you know? I used to have everything so planned… like, with military precision… but, I mean… so much unexpected stuff happened… and the almost-apocalypse… well, not many people really expect that… and there’s just a lot of stuff that’s different but that doesn’t freak me out so much anymore. Different can be good. Great, even.”

“Mhmm…” Jillian sucked lightly at her pulse-point.

“No comment?”

“I can’t believe people think _I’m_ the crazy one.”

“Hey!”

Jillian pulled back, grinning, still holding Erin’s wrists.

“I’m trying to say that things got different and I like them. Different is good.”

“You want something different?”

“Sometimes!”

“So… on your front then?”

“Holtzmann!” Erin flushed.

“On my front? On… both our fronts?” Holtzmann cocked an eyebrow.

“I’m trying to say that you changed my life and I love you. Or at least I did at the start of this conversation.”

Jillian grinned. “Oh, well then that’s okay then!” She released Erin’s arms, bringing one hand to her cheek and kissing her softly. “I love you, too. Can I keep kissing you? All over?” Erin bit her lip and smiled, sitting up and reaching around to unhook her bra.

Jillian leaned back on her elbow, gaze fixed on Erin. “So who’s going on their front, again?”


	16. Oh

“Oh!”

She first hears it in the lab, excitedly whispered under Holtzmann’s breath. She’s made a breakthrough, Erin can see it in her expression, the determined set of her mouth, the bright eyes. She’s finally running down the right path, thoughts tumbling and hands sorting through wires in front of her. Her focus practically hums around her, and Erin’s pen momentarily hovers above the page, the next number forgotten.

She next hears it shouted loudly and triumphantly in the alley, echoed by a slightly frantic Patty who was recruited to help test this next generation of weaponry. She’s grinning almost maniacally at the newly-blasted dumpster, relocated several feet and nicely dented. From a safe distance, Erin grins with her.

Several weeks later, it’s a response and a question when Erin casually mentions that she likes her leather jacket. The pitch of her voice slides upward with her eyebrow: and then, “Want to try it on?”

Several months later, it’s breathed with relief when Erin explains that even if she was initially mad about the untimely, smoky death of her microwave, she appreciated the thought that went into its attempted augmentation, and that she most certainly did not want Jillian to stop coming over.

Eventually, it’s sweet and sadly tinged with disbelief when Erin rambles out how much she loves her.

But it’s most rewarding now when she curls her fingers forward and hears it, several octaves lower, gasped low and hot against her neck.

“Oh…”


	17. Insomnia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am having a shitty few months - so I'm hitting the insomnia theme pretty hard.

She can’t sleep, but that doesn’t do it justice.

The absence of sleep is nowhere near as painful as the presence of the noise, noise, noise… of her own thoughts and worries and endless, endless to-do lists and projects and planning. All of that is layered over an ancient foundation of niggling self-doubt, of whether she was really up for the task or was she being a good teammate after all of those years of solitary research, and fuck all of their ideas do seem so crazy. And it seems like she’ll never sleep again…

But who knew a single snore could shatter the universe?

Her runaway train of thought slows along the curve of that jawline, bringing her mind to rest in the hollow of a collarbone, pale but flecked with scars from a welding torch. Suddenly acutely aware of the late night silence, she studies the whorls of her ear, entranced. She watches the rise and fall of the breath through that body, with its scrapes and scars, unquestionably the best thing that’s ever happened to her. Her world reorients slightly to center on this sleep-heavy form denting the mattress next to her.

She never does this. Never intentionally wakes Jillian unless she has to – Lord knows neither of them sleep enough – but the pull she feels now is something different, something gravitational and she edges over, her weight causing Jillian to tip into her slightly. She gently slides her hands over her, trying her best not to startle her, pulling her in.

Jillian is soft and pliant with sleep, and so, so, warm as Erin brings her mouth to her cheek, and then her lips. Her lips react almost instinctively, and Erin nearly whimpers, then smiles when Jillian gives a small hiccup. In contrast to their usual nimbleness, her hands are heavy and clumsy, pressed in loose fists against Erin’s torso.

Her eyes are partly open now and she pulls back to squint at Erin’s face, bringing a hand up to cup her cheek, searching.

“Nightmare?” she rasps, softly.

Erin shakes her head.

“OK?” It’s a question.

Erin’s not sure how to answer. Mostly. Never completely. But now more than I’ve ever been before.

They’re on their sides now, but Erin needs to be closer, closer… and she tugs until Jillian half rolls, half crawls on top of her. She brushes her hands over hips, feels the soft hairs in the hollow of her back. She dips her thumb under the elastic of Jillian’s sleep shorts, the smooth skin underneath crinkly with the imprint of the elastic, runs her hands up her back, remembering the solid feel of another person, pressing her closer, closer…

For the moment, Jillian has accepted her silence as an answer, and Erin doesn’t bother wondering if she’ll later need to explain this 3.a.m. makeout session. Jillian’s hands are on her sides, thumbs brushing the underside of her breasts through her T-shirt. Their legs are tangled together now, but Jillian clumsily extricates herself, pushing herself up on her knees, straddling Erin. Leaning down, she kisses Erin’s temple, murmuring something that sounds like “love,” before burrowing back down into the blankets, letting herself be cuddled, and petted, anchoring Erin so she can drift off.


	18. Hot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summertime heat - about to snap.

It was hot.

Erin had felt the oppressive humidity slowly pasting the city grime to her skin as she exited the subway that morning. Next had come the dreaded thigh chafing en route to yet another very-important-meeting-that-definitely-never-happened with the city. Then, she was in line at the Post Office, sighing as she felt a single bead of sweat run down her lower back under her blouse.

It was hot.

She hadn’t really contemplated the idea of a free evening – not until she had stepped through the door. The realization that she had… twelve – yes, almost twelve hours respite from the melt-your-face-off combination of the week and the weather made her sigh audibly, closing her eyes momentarily and leaning against the wall.

She opened them when she heard Holtzmann laugh softly.

She had clearly finished working because she was barefoot, overalls unclasped and tied around her waist. The cropped shirt left much of her stomach and her arms bare, and the glasses tinted the smile in her eyes yellow. She smiled, wiping her hands on a towel.

“I fixed – well, augmented, really - the AC. We can make it chilly before you try to sleep later.”

Erin stared blankly. Holtz looked back quizzically.

“Ummm… do you need…” she started.

“You. Naked. Immediately,” was the deadpan answer, as she started down the hallway. “Bedroom, now.”

…

It was hot.

Jillian lay on her back, staring (gawking, she was sure), open mouthed at Erin as she moved above her.

With one hand firmly braced against her stomach and the other between her legs, Erin ground counter-clockwise, pausing occasionally just before 11 o’clock (Holtz makes a mental note of the coordinates). She had closed her eyes, brow furrowed with concentration. Jillian ran her fingertips over Erin's stomach below her bellybutton, gripped her thighs, but really, she seemed a little superfluous to the woman above her whose breath was coming in unselfconscious pants, intensely focused on her own pleasure. Knowing how good it feels, seeing Erin desperate to get there…

It was _hot._

Jillian had trotted towards the door to greet her, proud to report her success with the air conditioning, when Erin’s eyes had glazed over and immediately slid down her body, Holtz had grinned, thinking that she knew where this was going.

Turns out she hadn’t.

Erin hadn’t said a word, hadn’t touched her after starting off toward the bedroom. Holtz could see her walk ahead, shucking her clothing as she went, dropping her shirt and letting her skirt fall to the floor. She had gone immediately for the drawer beside the bed, tossing the toy onto the mattress before pulling Holtz to her by the overall straps wound around her waist. She had placed her fingertips on her bare stomach and looked at the floor.

“Are you… umm,” she trailed off, shaking her head with the effort of checking in. Jillian leaned up to kiss her cheek softly, and squeezed her hips with what she hoped was encouragement.

“Yes. Ready? Yes.”

“Put it on.”

…

Erin swallowed and opened her eyes to stare down at Holtz, who she found was staring back a little bit – awestruck?

Jillian licked her lips and grinned, reaching up to palm her breasts, brushing away a bead of sweat with her thumb.

“Jill – I,”

“Don’t you dare. This feels – this _looks_ incredible.”

Erin shifts lightly, still astride Holtzmann, so Jillian can sit up. The shift makes her moan.

“Don’t you dare not finish, Erin. This is…”

“But Jillian, I…”

Stretching, Jillian manages to catch her lips, brushing a sweaty strand of hair off of her temple. With her hands on Erin’s hips, she begins to rock her back and forth again, Erin gasps at the resumption and the new angle.

“I want you to… you… I can’t even tell you…” Holtz swallows, “You’re… _beautiful_ like this… sweaty and desperate, and I… ”

Erin smiles faintly, “No, Jill…” she bites her lip, “I needed you… change… I want to..” Erin’s fingers dig into her shoulders, and she gulps to get the words out.

“Finish from behind.”


	19. Curve

The relief post-shower had been so transcendent that she hadn’t even made it all the way to pajamas. Erin found her laying in her underwear and a loose tank top, on her side but half-turned onto her stomach. Her body lay heavily, limbs draped languidly across the mattress.

“Gotta love that first day,” she said without looking up, voice low and gravelly. “Sleep deprivation. Wired straight through the day and night…”

Erin smiled, “So this is day three, yes?”

“Allegedly.”

“You’re a nut.”

“High in protein? Salty? Cracked?”

Erin rolled her eyes and pushed off the doorframe, moving to sit on the mattress, the indentation causing Jillian’s body to sink towards hers. She slid a hand over Jillian’s bare upper arm.

“Y’know, I probably still have some ener…” Holtz muttered, interrupting herself with a yawn.

Erin smiled and bit her lip. She slid her hand down Holtz’s arm to her side. Tracing the curve of her hip lightly with her fingertips, Erin swallowed. This part of her frame was so beautifully feminine, just above strong legs, the pale skin deliciously soft and vulnerable. She followed a blue vein as it branched under the skin. “I like this.”

“You do?”

Erin froze, startled that she had said it out loud.

“Umm… yes! Yes… this. This part here,” she continued, absently, run her thumb along the border between cotton and skin. “It’s… a curve, and then there’s your hip and this dip towards your…” she trailed off, realizing that Holtz had raised her head to stare at her.

“Towards myyyy…?” Holtz asked, raising an eyebrow.

Erin flushed, brushing her fingers downward, hiking up loose cotton to brush momentarily against the sensitive skin below Jillian’s bellybutton.

“Your… stomach?” she smiled teasingly. Holtz shivered with beautiful vulnerability, too tired to move, but too tired not to twitch. “You do that when I touch you there. You shiver.”

She slid her hand back up around, gripping her ass more firmly, “So yeah. This part of you. This isn’t sounding… like I want it to.”

She sighed, laying her head on Jillian’s hip, facing her. Jillian brought a hand down to stroke her hair.

“I’ll keep it simpler - You’re lovely, Holtz-woman.”

Holtz bit her lip.

Erin turned her head and pressed a kiss to Jillian’s hip.

“Astonishingly lovely.”

Erin turned her head and dragged her tongue over the skin deliberately, following with her teeth, sinking in gently and slowly. She felt Jillian’s hand in her hair tighten, and her thigh muscle tense. She pulled back and kissed the light indentations, tracing them with a fingertip, making sure they were fading.

She looked up at Jillian, who was now completely dumbstruck. She smiled and stretched forward to lie facing her, close enough to almost feel her breath. Jillian studied her face intently, barely moving.

Erin swept a thumb lightly over the teeth marks.

“Erin…” Holtz breathed weakly.

She smiled. “I know. Later. I’m just looking… beautiful.” The last muttered word gets a small grin from Jillian, which Erin kisses before rising to slide the curtains shut. “Get some sleep. I’ll come back later.”

“Why? For my thighs?” Jillian teased, weakly.

Erin paused at the doorway, hand on the lightswitch.

“Yes. Because I know what they feel like against the inside of mine.”


	20. Yours

Holtz is sitting on the couch, elbows resting on her knees, peering an assortment of… Erin’s not sure, circuit boards? She’s fiddling, thinking, gorgeous. Erin smiles.

“Hey! Welcome back! The crew missed you, Monday it’s gonna feel so much more normal…” Holtz starts and stops abruptly when she sees Erin standing across from her, unbuttoning her shirt.

Letting the red flannel fall to the carpet, she looks at Jillian as she undoes her belt.

“I missed you, too,” she smiles shyly.

Not breaking eye contact, she pushes her jeans to the floor and steps out of them.

Holtz leans backward, transfixed, as Erin approaches. She gently places a knee next to Holtz’s thigh and swings her leg over her lap. Instinctively, Holtz brings her hands to Erin’s thighs for support, and Erin grins, sliding Holtz’ hands up her thighs until she’s holding her ass. Sitting back and resting her own hands on Jillian’s shoulders, Erin bites her lip and looks at Holtz’s blank stare.

“I’m all yours. I was gone for a whole week, Holtz! It was great… and thank you for all of those solidarity texts, by the way, my folks only saw a couple of the less graphic ones… but I missed you and now we have the day together tomorrow, and all night, and I just thought…” Erin squirms a little, “You might like to know that I missed you too?” She shrugs, eyebrows raised.

“Say it again,” Holtz whispers.

“I missed you?”

Holtz shakes her head.

Oh. It clicks. Erin kisses her temple before looking her in the eye.

“I’m yours.”

“This…” Jillian squeezes before running one hand up Erin’s back to pull her closer, “Is _not…_ necessary… but…” she trails off, shaking her head and kissing lightly along Erin’s collarbone. Nearly-naked and pressed against her full-clothed partner, Erin shivers at the sensation of fabric across her skin, hard buttons pressing into her belly, and well-worn corduroy on the inside of her thighs. Her fingers go to Holtz’s collar, working it up and loosening her tie. She carefully pulls it over Holtzmann’s head and drapes it over her own.

Jillian groans. “Erin…”

“Mhmm?”

“You look… this is impossible,” she sounds pained. Erin smiles down at herself amusedly, sitting in her bra and underwear, a tie and nothing else.

“Anyway – what should we do? Whatever you want. Are you hungry?”

“Not in the way that you mean.”

“Bedroom and then go grab some food?”

“Rinse and repeat.”

Erin smiled, “Show me everything that you’ve been thinking about?”

Holtz sucked in a breath, looking her up and down, “We may have to order in…”

 


	21. Enough

Looking up from her book, she sees Jillian grasping the bedroom doorframe.

She’s in a T-shirt, brow slightly furrowed, eyes fixed somewhere on the ground. Looking at her bare feet and bare legs, Erin wonders how someone can be both so vulnerable and so invincible.

Erin closes the book and pulls back the covers, and Jillian’s eyes flicker to hers, briefly. She pads softly forward to climb into Erin’s lap, wrapping her arms and legs around her. Jillian sighs, Erin smiling into her shoulder, stroking the back of her neck, lightly. She had left Holtzmann in the lab hours ago, working furiously.

“Thank you.”

Holtzmann pulls back, a puzzled look on her face.

“I know you were working nonstop until now… partially driven by… y’know, your own obsessiveness, but also trying to make something to make us safer. To make the city safer. So, thank you.”

 “It’s not done,” Holtzman grumbled, rocking with frustration.

Erin rested her hands on Holtzmann’s hips.

“It’ll never be done. Never. There will always be something else to do.”

Holtzmann bit her lip, chewing thoughtfully.

 “We’re the good guys. So we need to learn how to rest, not to quit. OK?” Jillian nods slowly.

“Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is be gentle. Especially with yourself. You deserve that,” Erin’s thumbs moved lightly back and forth over the tops of bare thighs, “You can’t save anyone if you don’t save yourself… save yourself from yourself, even… sometimes. Am I still making sense?”

Holtzmann studied her face intently, hands pressed into the pillows behind her back. Erin waited. It had been one of the hardest parts, learning to wait for Holtz.

“I’m…” Holtzman frowned and made a frustrated sound, fists squeezing around the bedding.

“Do you want me to finish that?” Erin traced Holtz’s nose lightly. “You’re enough. You can work hard enough, do enough. And you _are_ enough, OK?”

Jillian’s face relaxed a little. She closed one eye and smiled. Rolling dramatically to the side, she landed on top of the bedding with a ‘thunk.’ She drifted off as Erin read, a free hand stroking the hair near her temple.

 


	22. TGISomething

She pressed the door closed, dropping her briefcase with a sigh.

She turned and Holtz was on her in an instant, pressing her back against the door and sliding a leg suggestively between hers, smiling toothily.

“Ha-hi!” Erin breathed across the six inches of suspense in between them.

“Welcome home!” Holtz breathed back, bringing her hands to Erin’s waist.

“Thank you! What… umm… brought this on?” Erin asked, trying to stay focused as thumbs lightly stroked her waistband.

“TGIF!”

“Holtz, it’s Tuesday.”

“Fine, TGIT.”

Erin couldn’t help smiling, “OK, you’re cute. I have to get back to this…” gesturing weakly towards her discarded briefcase.

“Do you?”

“Yes.”

“Doooo you?”

Jillian smiled, taking her wrists and pressing them against the door behind her. Erin’s breathing deepened.

“Or have you been diligently working all day, and now would be a great time to rest your eyes… your brain… and maybe just need to relax a bit…” she slowly pressed her lips to the side of Erin’s throat, “for the sake of focusing …”

Erin shuddered.

Holtz pulled back, “I won’t interrupt you if you’re _actually_ working, buuuuut.”

Erin sighed, “It’s so tempting...”

“To relaaaaax. Back rub?”

“Ugh, say more things like that.”

“I like your tits in that top.”

Erin gave a snort of laughter.

Holtzmann nuzzled her neck, “Compromise? Order food and make out on the couch while we wait for dinner to arrive? Then you can get back to it.”

Erin smiled, wiggling her arms free and wrapping them around her shoulders, “Deal.”


	23. Ride

“Yo, Benny’s here!”

“I am on the phone,” Abby hisses.

“I’ll go,” Holtz chirps, grabbing her jacket and Abby’s wallet to fetch the food. As she passes Erin, she trails a hand over the small of her back, below the level the others can see. Erin smiles down at her desk. They're still new and they haven’t told the others, so she forces the giddiness downward.

Five minutes later, when Abby’s hung up the phone and Holtz hasn’t reappeared with the food, Abby huffs her way downstairs, followed by the others. They find Benny standing, bag of food in hand, Holtz seated on his new motorcycle.

“Put a helmet on!” Abby yells instinctively.

“I’m just sitting…”

“Yeah, but she wasn’t a minute ago,” Benny protests.

“Snitch,” Holtz grins.

“Those things are dangerous! And you are dangerous! This is dangerous squared,” Abby protests.

“I dunno, I think I look cool,” Holtz says, closing one eye, mean-mugging with what Erin supposes she intends to be a tough-guy biker expression, cocking a finger gun at them. Erin rolls her eyes, smiling.  

“Truth,” Patty admits, humouring her girl.

“So that’s one for and one against,” Holtz grins, leaning back, her leather jacket falling open. She does have the posture, the self-assurance for this, Erin thinks. It’s really no more ridiculous than any of her other accessories. She always makes it work, all of the eclectic things that she loves. It’s the joy that holds it together. The sunshine hits her curls, and she looks at Erin through her yellow lenses. “Tiebreaker. Whaddya think, Erin? Wanna ride it?”

The others turn to look at her, so she’s on the only one who sees Holtz’ tongue lick the edge of her lips, the only one who catches the wink. Dammit, she can feel the blush creeping into her cheeks. Erin of a few weeks ago would be so uncomfortable, but she sees the humour in this now, because although they’ve taken it slowly, Holtz _knows_ that she most definitely does want to ride it.

“Holtz, you’re going to give Erin a heart attack- you are so not safe on that thing.” Saved by Abby.

Erin swallows quickly, “The food’s getting cold, Holtzmann. Let’s let Benny get back to work, huh?” she deflects deftly (she hopes), taking the bag from his hand.

…

They walk out together at the end of the day.

In the firestation’s old elevator, they face forward, Holtz slouching against the back wall, humming quietly. Out of the corner of her eye, Erin sees her push the hair out of her face with a palm.

“Are you free tonight?” she asks, squeezing the handle of her briefcase.

“Hmmm. What do you feel like?”

“How about that ride you offered me earlier?”

Holtz turns and grins.

“Erin. Gilbert.”

“I-I-I mean… nothing like… I dunno if I want… we can…” Dammit, she had sounded so cool a second ago. “It’s just been a long time, and I don’t know if I…”

Holtz smiles, taking her hand, “Do I need a helmet?”

Erin snorts, “Ugh…”

Holtz is laughing quietly. She presses her lips to the back of Erin’s hand.

“Erin, how about you drive?”


	24. Solo

Holtz strode into the bedroom, wrapped in a towel, humming softly.

Erin looked up from her book, “Nice shower?”

“Mmhmmmmm,” Holtz hummed emphatically. “Divine.”

Holtz stopped in front of the closet, raising an eyebrow at Erin and raising the tempo of her humming. She raised a knee against the door and tossed her hair back seductively, sending droplets flying.

“Very… that’s very nice,” Erin laughed.

“Like what you see?” Holtz did a spin.

“Very much, and you know that. Wait, is there still marker on your elbow?”

 “Are you looking at my elbow?” Holtz said, feigning indignance.

“Well you’re pretty covered up…” Erin bit her lip.

Holtz grinned and dropped the towel, turning to peer into the closet, shaking her hips.

Erin laughed and pushed herself up off the bed, stepping across the room, she licked a fingertip and rubbed the smudged elbow, “It _is_ marker.”

“But I got all the bits on my front.”

Erin smile and kissed Holtz’ shoulder. Reaching around her back with both hands she lightly ran her fingertips from the centerline of her stomach, below her navel, towards her sides.

Holtz’ breath hitched and she shivered, gripping the closet door for support.

“Jill?”

“I just… well. I’m umm… a bit sensitive. At the moment.”

“You didn’t!” Erin teased, stepping closer to pull Jillian’s back flush against into her front.

“Mhmmm,” Holtz breathed, “I’m a very thorough soaper, that’s all! Cleanliness is…” her voice caught as Erin repeated the motion, “next to… godliness. Ugh.”

Erin slid her hands up Jillian’s front to cup her breasts.

Erin smiled, “You know that showerhead actually detaches…”

Holtz grinned, spinning in her arms.

“Erin. Gilbert,” she grinned, planting a kiss on her lips. "Good for you!"

“You didn’t find pajamas,” Erin noted.

“Hmmm. Can I borrow yours?” Holtz suggested, tugging on the hem of her T shirt.

Erin narrowed her eyes. Jillian grinned.

“Now that I’m clean, wanna get dirty?”

“You’re… OK…”

“I need you to check for more marker?”

Erin laughed outright.

“I’d like for you to feel as relaxed as I do right now?”

“OK, that last one I buy,” Erin smiled, allowing herself to be walked backwards towards the bed.


	25. Mirror

“Maaaay I?” Jillian asks, running a fingertip along the strap of Erin’s bra.

They’re standing facing each other amidst a tangle of discarded clothes.

Erin nods, biting her lip.

Jillian stretches to kiss her, hands moving around her ribcage to unclasp her bra, letting it fall. Kissing her lightly, she rakes her fingers down Erin’s sides, hooking into the sides of her underwear.

Pulling back, but not breaking eye contact, she drops to her knees, dragging off the last piece of clothing.

“Dramatic,” Erin says, teasingly.

“I deserve a medal for that – for not looking,” Jillian whispers. “I mean… you’re…” Jillian swallows, standing up, “So beautiful.”

“Erin,” she finally lets her eyes fall, raking down Erin’s front, leaning in to kiss her neck. She pulls back and studies Erin’s face.

“You’re flushed,” she swipes her thumb across Erin’s cheek, “And you don’t believe me.”

Erin rolls her eyes.

“You don’t,” Jillian frowns, dropping her hands down to grip Erin’s hip bones, massaging with her thumbs.

“I wish you could see,” Jill pouts slightly, chewing her lip.

Erin smiles, “Jill…”

Jill looks up suddenly, eyes mischievous. Taking both of Erin’s hands, she walks backwards, pulling Erin along.

She’s not sure what Jillian has in mind until she’s guided to the vanity in the bathroom. The light from the bedroom is enough to meet her own eyes in the mirror as Jillian holds her gently from behind.

Jillian peeks around her side, her eyes bright when they meet Erin’s in the mirror.

“See?” she says, brightly.

She starts to turn, “Jill, I don’t know what I’m supposed to…”

“You!” Jillian says, “You’re supposed to see you.” She slides a hand around to Erin’s stomach, holding her in place. “I mean, _look at you,”_ her voice catches.

Erin watches in the mirror as Jillian’s hand slides from her hip to join the other on her stomach. She watches the hands slide upward to cup her breasts, thumbs brushing over the nipples. She watches her own body react to Jillian, feels her breathing quicken.

“I like this part,” Jillian brushes her collarbone before sliding her hands back down, “Makes me want to kiss you there.”

She can feel Jillian kiss her shoulderblade. “Is this OK?” she asks, as the fingers of one hand walk their way downward teasingly. She swallows, and can barely breathe a ‘yes,’ before Jillian’s hand slides between her legs.

“Erin, _look_ ,” Jillian breathes.

Her eyes are slightly glassy, but she tries to focus. She sees it before she feels how tightly she’s squeezing the faucet, notices that she’s arched into Jillian’s touch. Keeping one hand braced against the counter, she removes the other from the faucet and places it on top of Jillian’s hand on her breast.

It’s a little awkward, how they’re tangled together, but Erin admits that they look incredible. All of those things, those tiny imperfections that she sees are hidden by her flushed skin, the _heave_ of her chest, her mussed hair. She tilts her head, bites her lip at her reflection. She can feel Jillian’s smile against her slide.

“Good girl,” she mumbles.

The combination of Jillian’s hands, not being able to touch her, but being able to _see_ everything she’s doing is exquisite. She meets Jillian’s eye in the mirror, and places both over hers. She feels the tendons in Jillian’s hand flex as she moves in circles, guides with gentle pressure. Still impossibly worked up, she stills Jillian’s hands and turns in her arms.

“So good, Jill,” she mumbles against her lips.

“Do you see what I see? At least a little?”

“Jill I need… more. To finish?”

Jillian nods, “The drawer?”

Erin nods in agreement, kissing her cheek, “Please. The drawer.”

Jillian turns her gently back around to face the mirror and kisses her spine.

“Be right back. Something to look at while you wait. Talk amongst yourselves.”

 


	26. Heel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this too fluffy? Somebody stop me...

As Erin rounds the corner, yawning and toweling off her hair, she finds Jillian sitting on the edge of the bed, one ankle crossed over her knee, rubbing lotion into her heel. Erin smiles at her concentration.

“Hey,” she says gently, so as not to startle her, setting the tin of lotion aside so she can sit.

“Dry skin,” Jillian mutters.

 Erin taps her ankle, “May I?”

Jillian gives a small smile and nods, allowing Erin to take her foot.

“How’s that electromagnetic trip-wire thing coming along?” she asks as she works the cream into Jillian’s skin.

Jillian brightens, “I finally got that extra anchor worked out to compensate for the increased power and ohhhh baby… ghosts gonna go pheeeeew,” she makes an exploding gesture with both hands.

Erin smiles, “I can’t wait to see!” Jillian grins, and Erin nudges her shoulder lightly, encouraging her to lay back against the pillows. “But like… warn me?”

“It’s safe, Erin. I promise.”

“I know. I trust you! You’re innovations are sometimes just… startling,” she says absently, massaging Holtz’ arch, “That good?”

She looks up and her hands still when she sees the look on Jillian’s face.

“Jill? Good?”

Holtz nods slowly.

“Sure?”

Another nod.

Erin resumes, but Holtzmann stays quiet. After another beat, Erin looks up.

“It’s just… this… it’s just really, really nice, Er.”

Erin softens. “I know. For me, too,” she whispers.

“And it’s…”

“Startling?” Erin smiles, "Other foot, please."

Jillian grins and obliges.

“How often do you get a famous engineer by the foot?” Erin smiles, “It’s like that nursery rhyme. Remember? Eeenie, meenie, miney, moe…”

“ARGH!”

“What?!”

“I hollered.”

Erin laughs and puts the lid back on the lotion.

“What? It’s in the rhyme, right?”

Erin stands and flicks off the light while Holtz wiggles under the covers. She climbs in behind Holtz, cuddling up to her back and slipping an arm around her waist.

“Too warm?”

“No, not for tonight,” Jillian covers Erin’s arm with hers, “I love you.”

“I love you.”

“Even with scaly heels?”

“All the parts of you,” Erin kisses her shoulder.


	27. Elephant

Erin looked over at Jillian, who was sitting with her legs drawn up under her, engrossed in the movie. She glanced down at where Jillian had taken her hand, smiling at their interlaced fingers on the couch cushion between them.

When she looked up, Jillian was studying her face, and she grinned when Erin’s eyes met hers. She raised their hands, kissing the back of Erin’s.

“I like this,” she said, simply.

Erin’s expression softened, “Me too,” she answered, squeezing Jillian’s hand.

Jill smiled and drew back her arm, gently drawing Erin towards her until their lips met. Erin fell slightly forward, free hand bracing against Jillian’s thigh. She felt Jillian grin against her lips.

“Should we pause the movie?”

“I’m sorry, I’m not… can we keep watching?”

Jillian kissed her cheek, “You never have to apologize for that. I only want us to..." she wiggles her eyebrows, "when you really want it.”

Erin blew out a breath, “I just feel like an elephant today.”

“Like eating one? Or like you are one?”

“The second one.”

Jillian drew back and looked her up and down in mock seriousness.

“I don’t see it,” she said, after a beat.

Erin smiled weakly, “Um… once a month…”

“Ohhhhhhh,” Holtz intoned, “Right. Hmm.”

“Yeah. A bloated elephant.”

 “Can I get you something?”

Erin sighed, “I’m a cliché. The emergency chocolate is in my purse…”

Holtz sprung up from the couch, “Aye-aye!”

…

Twenty-eight days later, sitting at her desk, when she opened the folder with their expense receipts, she found it.

Lying on top of the paperwork was a bar of chocolate. The right brand, the right percentage of dark (85%, which she knows Holtzmann finds bewilderingly bitter). Stuck to the package was a post-it with a hand-drawn elephant.

She tosses the folder down and heads for the stairs.

Jillian looks up when she enters the lab, putting down the wrench and pushing her glasses up. Erin wraps her arms around her waist and squeezes.

“You are wonderful.”

Jillian squeezes her back. “I’m sorry you’re feeling bad. But you won’t feel bad forever.”

“I know,” Erin smiles, “you’re so thoughtful.”

Jillian kisses her cheek and pulls back, “I have to finish this. But tell me how I can help you feel better.”

Erin smiles, “Thank you.”

“Stop thanking me! This is what I’m here for. Chocolate. Juice. Back rubs," she lowers her voice, "Doing it in the shower.”

Erin blushes fiercely.

“I mean, whatever would help!” Jillian grins shamelessly, pulling her glasses back down.

“You’re crazy.”

“… about you! And don’t pretend you’re not considering it,” Jillian winks.


	28. Swiss Army Knife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #HoltzbertWeek - I wanted to play!

Erin saw it when she got back to her desk.

There, next to her mug filled with pencils and a photo from grad school, mounted on a wood-and-steel backing was her Swiss Army Knife, positioned with its blade open. The familiar Ghostbusters logo was burned into the wood frame underneath the knife.

She reached out and picked it up, tracing the emblem with a finger.

She wandered slowly into Jillian's lab, Jillian swiveling on her stool at the sound of her footsteps.

“Did you make this? This is gorgeous.”

Holtz grinned, "It's a year ago next week."

"Right, Patty wanted to go for drinks..."

“Yeah, and I actually got the idea when Patty took us to the Museum, that room with the famous knights and kings with their swords mounted. I didn't ask, but I didn't wreck it Erin, I promise... you can still take it out, see!” Holtz pointed to a screw.

Erin ran her fingers over the frame, smiling.

“I don’t think I qualify as a knight…”

“Erin, you popped a _ghost_!” Holtz interrupted. She pulled her stool a bit closer to Erin and took a breath. “You saved our lives. You saved my life. So yeah, I think you’re brave.”

Erin stepped between Jillian's knees, meeting her gaze.

“This is... perfect. I love it. Thank you.” She hugged the gift to her chest and took her hand, running a thumb over Jillian's knuckles.

Jillian tilted her head, smiling.

“Thank you for helping me be brave, Jill.”


	29. Laundry Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Had something like this in my head for a while, and then #Holtzbert week!

Lugging the clothes back into the apartment from the laundry room, Erin prepares to dump them on the couch for her sorting and folding ritual.

“Wait!”

Jillian comes scooting from the kitchen, kissing her cheek quickly before sliding onto the couch, underneath where the basket is poised in midair, braced against Erin’s hip.

“OK, go!”

Erin pauses, confused.

Holtz lays down and grins, raising an eyebrow at Erin before reaching up to push the edge of the basket gently down with a finger.

“Hit me! … The clothes, Erin.”

Finally, Erin lets the basket tilt, the clothes cascading over Holtz, covering her upper body.

“Holtz!”

 “… s’ warm!” came the muffled response.

She can hear Jillian humming softly as she excavates her girlfriend. Moving a T-shirt (hers) and a sock (Holtz’), she clears a pathway to Jillian’s face, which is plastered with a grin. She can see her toes wiggling at the other end of the couch.

“I can remember doing this when I was reeeeeally little,” she chirps.

“Burrowing?”

She grins, “I used to fit in the basket. Doesn’t work so well anymore. You found me!”

Erin smiles, “Always.”

Holtz sits up, displacing the mountain of clothes as she shifts to help Erin fold. Erin carefully smoothes and folds, making two piles (hers and hers). For Erin’s sake, Jillian sorts the socks to be paired.

“I like this. Finding your things in mine. All mixed together,” Jillian murmurs.

Erin smiles, “Me too.”

“I was worried,” she admits.

“Everybody worries about that. Or I did too, at least.”

“It’s hard.”

“Worth it?”  
  
"Worth it," Jillian agrees firmly, smoothing out a blouse with a tiny bow-tie.

 


	30. Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not totally happy with this. Very much stuck in a rut.

_Erin_

It had happened.

Somehow, she had never thought it would happen while also believing with absolutely certainty it would. Schrodinger’s lovemaking? Maybe she never believed she deserved it or could make it real, but she couldn’t handle existing in a universe without the possibility, no matter how remote, of this much happiness.

And now she’s looking across her kitchen at a slightly rumpled Jillian sitting on a barstool, feet swinging gently. Sitting there as if she hadn’t felt Erin dissolve beneath her last night, as if she hasn’t been changing Erin’s life for months.

Erin makes coffee to (momentarily) save herself from her own fidgeting.

Half an hour ago, Jillian had woken up, drooling a bit, but still looking soft and impossibly kissable. She had placed a hand on Erin’s hip and kissed her cheek, mumbling good morning, like it was totally normal. And it was totally normal, and that was what was so _not_ normal. Abnormal normalcy.

She pours the coffee; sets a mug on the counter next to Holtz.

It had been easy and scary and all of those things a first time can be, and their heads had smacked together at one point and Jillian had laughed and kissed her temple.

As Jillian turns to pick up the mug, Erin watches the tendons of her neck. _She gets sweaty there._ Jillian drinks and licks her bottom lip. _I know what that tongue feels like against my skin._ Erin’s transfixed by her fingers, shuddering and giving a small, involuntary sigh.

 “Soooooo…” Jillian drawls slowly.

“So!” she confirms, nodding slightly, unsure of what she’s agreeing with, drumming her fingers on the counter.

“Do… do we talk? Do you want to talk?” Jillian straightens slightly.

_I love you._

_I loved that._

_I’m worried that if we do it again, I’ll cry afterwards._

_I want you._

_I want you here._

 “Um… yes! Maybe…” Erin starts. Holtz swallows, sitting nearly motionless.

_Tell her._

_Dammit, tell her._

“Can I just… be… in your arms again?” Erin blurts, blushing fiercely.

Holtzmann stars blankly before breaking out into a huge grin. Planting one foot on the floor, she opens her arms, setting the coffee cup aside. Erin steps forward into the embrace.

“I’m happy you’re here, Jill.”

…

_Jillian_

Erin’s pajamas match because of course they do, and she’s sitting there in a borrowed T-shirt and underwear.

Last night was…

She doesn’t know if there’s a word for what it was.

She can see Erin is fidgeting.

_She fidgets always. Last night… stop it._

She wants to do it again, but maybe Erin doesn’t? Does Erin want to… talk? What does Erin need?

_Lots of foreplay… stop it._

But oh god when she had relaxed and smiled and laughed at the raspberry Jillian blew against her side it was radiant. 

“Soooooo…” she tries for casual, open-ended. She can’t tell if she gets there.

“So!” Erin chirps.

Maybe not casual, but also not terrified. But then she wrecks it because she’s scared and needs to know, “Do… do we talk? Do you want to talk?”

Erin nods, almost to herself, and sets her shoulders. She looks like she’s getting ready to speak, and Jillian is stretched out thin thin thin, and it feels as if the next words will shatter her completely.

“Can I just… be… in your arms again?” Erin shrugged, blushing fiercely.

Face pressed into Erin’s neck, she can breathe again.


	31. One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Practice: write a chapter (100 words for each perspective), but use only one-syllable words.

The wall is smooth and cold on her palms.

Jill waits, alert. Hairs rise, and her heart pulls tight as she stands just too far back to touch.

Jill waits, but it is still a shock when she moves. Hands skim her hips, set her arms in place, and drape over to hold her there. Lips press down once on her skin, shake her bones. One kiss and her breath is gone, yet more, firm and slow, march to her throat. She gives in.

“’K?” is the ask, and when she says, ‘more,’ it’s a gasp and a sob. More.

…

Close like this, Jill makes her ache.

She stands so close, but too far, and she knows then how much she can want. Her hands rise to pin lithe arms to the wall, to hold down the whole world.

Her back is smooth, and when she brings her mouth to her spine, the hitch of her breath sounds like trust. She moves, with time, to her neck. The blonde head shifts to the side for her, and she tastes, tongue wet on hot skin. She burns, and Jill tells her ‘more,’ but she waits. She wants to hear her moan.


	32. Buzzed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got drunk again.

 She’s buzzing with the alcohol when she leans forward to kiss Jillian.

Their lips connect and a shiver runs down her arms, raising gooseflesh. She can feel Jillian’s smile before she pulls away.

“Mhmm’I like that,” she mumbles, “I like when I can feel you smile.”

“Mhmm,” Jillian hums with amusement, “are you maybe a little drunk?”

Erin stretches her arms above her, pulling her torso up straight out of the soft couch cushions. “Not drunk, tipsy. Still lucid. Just inebriated enough that you should walk me to bed. Y’know, for safety,” she yawns.

Jillian stands up and offers her hands. Taking both of them, Erin pulls herself to her feet with assistance, swaying only slightly.

“Easy,” Jillian smiles at her unsteadiness, placing both hands on Erin’s sides.

Erin rests her forehead against Jillian’s and sighs. “You’re pretty. Onward?”

\---

Erin lifts her hips off of the mattress so Jillian can pull off her jeans.

Erin sighs, “Why is it SO much better when you do that?”

Smiling, Jillian folds the jeans and lays them over the dresser.

“Seriously,” Erin props herself up on her elbows, “I’ve been undressing myself for… how many years? But then you…” she trails off, train of thought derailed as Jillian discards her own trousers, unbuttons her shirt.

“Come here, please,” she finally manages.

Jillian laughs, crawling up her body. She wraps one hand behind Erin’s head, eases her back down flat. Erin’s hands find the small of her back.

“We’re almost naked,” Erin observes.

 “Yep,” Jillian pops the ‘p’ for emphasis.

Erin sighs, “I like this.”

“Yeah,” Jillian grins.

Erin pauses, “I might be too drunk to move.”

Jillian grins wider, “I shouldn’t have waited till the end of the documentary.”

“Should’ve paused it.”

“My bad,” Jillian looks up and down Erin’s body meaningfully, “I like to let a lady finish.”

“Stop it!”

“Stop what?”

“You’re… you know… getting me all…”

“Yes?”

“Flustered.”

Jillian drops her face and nuzzles Erin’s collarbone.

“I’m barely touching you.”

Erin rolls her eyes, “That’s all it takes with you sometimes, y’know.” This time she feels the smile against her chest.

“We can sleep,” Jillian lifts her face, “Help me out of this?”

Erin slides her hands around Jillian’s sides to unhook her bra. Jillian pulls back to let her toss it aside. As she lowers herself back down, Erin brings her leg up between hers. Erin grins wickedly at her sharp intake of breath.

“Are you sure you don’t want to keep barely touching me?” She drops her hands to Jillian’s thighs, encouraging her to move.

Jillian shudders, rocking against her thigh.

“You looked flushed… are you drunk too?” Erin stretches to grab a handful of ass, and Jillian jumps, involuntarily grinding down harder, the cotton scratching Erin’s bare thigh. Erin cranes to kiss the side of her neck.

“Jesus,” she gasps, flushed, “You’re cheeky when you’re drunk.”

“Needed to convince you to do all the work.”

Holtz shudders, grinding purposefully now, “It doesn’t take much for me either, you know… you…fuck…” she trails off. Erin stretches again and slowly licks the bottom lip now hanging enticing open.

"This lip is impossible," she grumbles.

Jillian falters, drops her head next to Erin’s shoulder, her bare chest pressed against Erin’s T-shirt. She grunts, and Erin knows the friction is driving her crazy.

Erin smiles, bringing a hand up to stroke the back of her neck, leaving one in place to feel the motion of her hips. She turns her face to Jillian’s ear, and her whisper smells like wine, cloaked safely in the dark.

“You look so good; you  _feel_ so good. Please don’t stop.”

“But you…”

“Jillian. Come on top of me.”


	33. Watch

Shrugging out of her jacket, Jillian closed the apartment door.

Turning, she saw Erin leaning against the bedroom door frame, hair tousled.

“Whoops, did I wake you?”

Erin shook her head.

Eyes dropping from the flushed cheeks to the bare legs sticking out from below the oversized T-shirt, Holtzmann grinned.

“Were you waiting for me?”

  
Another head shake.

“Couldn’t wait.”

Oh.

Oh god.

Holtzmann sucked in a breath, voice dropping lower.

“Can I join you?”

Erin shook her head no, and Holtzmann’s brow furrowed, “Oh, no prob…”

  
Raising an eyebrow, Erin tilted her head and looked her in the eyes.

“You can watch.”


	34. Mess

Erin turns her head and smiles lazily at the trail of detritus leading from the doorway to the bed.

Her jeans are twisted, looking like they tripped over their own legs. She raises an eyebrow at the pale blue “One of the Boys” T-shirt which she had stripped off a (braless) Holtz to reveal (ironically) a fantastic pair of breasts. Her fingers twitch at the memory of palming them, tracing their familiar weight. She inhales deeply, recalls the feeling of them pressed into her back. ‘One of the boys,’ but a thousand times better, she thinks. She follows the trajectory of Holtz’ gleeful toss and spies her own bra in a corner.

Striped socks are within arms’ reach where they were discarded, despite Holtz’ threat to keep them on. By that point she could have, it wouldn’t have stopped them… _couldn’t_ have stopped them, but she had stripped them off, balanced on one foot and then the other, muttering about using toes for better leverage, as Erin laughed. A glove laid balled up next to the socks, hastily removed so palms could skim up bare thighs. She has no idea where her underwear is… possibly somewhere in the sheets.

She stretches back again, and pair of yellow lenses stares back at her from the bedside table, resting next to her watch, ticking away. They were resilient, but she still didn’t like to let Holtz throw them aside.

In another life, she would have been very concerned about picking all of this up.

She smiles again and trails a hand down her own body because here, boneless, listening to her own breathing returning to normal, she really couldn’t give a damn.

“Should I pick it up?”

She rolls over to look at Holtz laying under the sheet next to her, eyes searching her face.

Erin props herself up on her elbow and reaches over to grab the sheet in her fist. She drags it slowly, pointedly down Jillian’s back and off her body, following with her eyes and not bothering to hide the hitch in her own breath. She drops it on the floor to join their clothes and shakes her head.

“You’re not going to need anything down there for a while.”


	35. Slimed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lacking inspiration at the moment, but had this sitting on my computer...

“Again?” Abby asked, incredulously.

“Again.” Erin confirmed, stonily, heading toward the shower.

“It was just a recon mission, I swear!” Patty insisted, chucking the keys onto her desk, “Motherfucker came out of nowhere and then ARHHHHH,” she mimed an eco-projection.

Abby winced. Holtzmann pushed back from the table and followed after Erin.

Pushing open the door, she could hear the shower running, see the steam rising.

“Want some help?”

“I can do it.”

“Of course you can. That’s not what I asked.”

Holtz heard a sigh. She smiled, pushing off her overalls.

The voice was small from behind the curtain, “We _just_ started dating. It’s too early for you to see this… nightmare.”

“I’m sure it’s a beautiful nightmare. Like the song! So either way, I wanna help. Maybe just your back? Hair?”

She heard another sigh. She knew that would get her. Ectoplasm was murder to get out of hair.

“OK, my hair is kind of impossible…”

Holtz pushed the curtain aside, Erin was facing the corner, arms crossed over her chest.

Holtz swallowed.

“Holtzmann?”

“I’m trying to stay professional, but you’re very wet and naked.”

Finally, Erin laughed.

Holtz reached past the curtain and grabbed a small stool, maneuvering Erin to sit in front of her.

“Hey, this T-shirt isn’t going to fare much better,” she insisted, gesturing to her white tank top.

She thought she could see Erin flush, but maybe it was the water.

Twenty minutes later, she had worked her fingers carefully but insistently across Erin’s scalp, and the hair was again the texture of… well, human hair. She had even gotten Erin to giggle by sculpting her bangs upward into devil horns. The nasty part done, she slid her fingers upward again, massaging the tense muscles at the nape of Erin’s neck before moving up across her scalp, carefully around to the temples. Erin groaned and leaned back into her touch, and Jillian smiled, biting her lip and concentrating on keeping her breathing steady. She could have sworn someone turned up the hot water.  

“Thank you. I feel a bit better,” Erin smiled up at her, countenance now slime-free.

Jillian knelt at Erin’s side and grinned, pushing away a damp strand of hair that was plastered to her cheek.

“This isn’t how I imagined this happening for the first time.”

“But you have imagined it?”

Erin flushed scarlet.

Holtz grinned, “Hey! I was a perfect gentlewoman. I barely saw anything.”

Erin raised an eyebrow.

“OK, well I saw some things,” she conceded, sliding a fingertip along Erin’s collarbone, mouth going slightly dry, “Such wonderful things.”

Erin rolled her eyes. Still covering her chest, she leaned in and gently placed her lips on Holtzmann’s. Jillian could feet her smile against her lips. She pulled back and smiled back.

“Jillian?”

“Yeah?”

“Get out.”

“Right! My bad…”


	36. Touch

Impressed by the storm, Jillian had thrown open the blinds and the window before sliding into bed behind her.

So now Erin is watching sheets of rain fall through the glow cast by the street light, Jillian’s fingertips gently brushing through her hair. The damp breeze is cold as it reaches the bed, but Jillian’s warmth seeps into her back, and together they heat up the blankets. The tension bleeds from her limbs as hands stroke her body, deliberate and unhurried. Joints loosened, knots untangled, Erin sighs and sinks deeper.

Jillian likes the noise of the rain, listens as she lets her hands wander over Erin. She takes in the comfortable solidity of the body next to her, marveling silently that Erin is real _._ She smiles when her fingers raise goosebumps as they skim up a bare arm, carefully smooths them back down. Back and forth, back and forth she traces the arm. She massages a shoulder with the heel of her hand, pressing firmly, lets her hand cup a sharp hip bone.

Erin smiles and her eyes slide fully closed when Jillian presses a soft kiss into her cheek. Then, her lips brushing Erin’s ear, she whispers…

“I have to pee so badly.”

She can feel Jillian chuckle as she bursts out laughing. She rolls over to face her, and even though she had felt her breathing slow under Jillian’s attentions, she’s surprised at how low her own voice has dropped.

“Hurry back?”

Jillian grins, kissing Erin’s temple before pulling away.

When she crawls back in, she slides one leg in between Erin’s, rests a hand on her side.

“Tired?”

“Relaxed. God, how do you do that?”

Jillian grins, “I think it’s physiological: bare skin on bare skin,” she slides a hand under Erin’s shirt to stroke her side.

Erin smiles and covers Jillian’s hand with her own.  

“No, I think it’s you.”


	37. Surprise

 “You’re beautiful.”

The keys abruptly tumble the last two inches from Jillian’s hand to the counter. She whirls around and squints through the half-darkness of the living room to the corner where Erin is sitting. Jillian’s eyes dart from her face to the floor before slowly travelling back up bare legs.

…

As she snipped the tags off her purchases that evening, she had debated on a scale from 1 to 10 how stupid this would look.

It seemed like a plausibly sexy idea. It’s a cliché, but things are cliché for a reason, right?

Well she’d try it out. There was always time to abort the mission before Jillian came back from the store.

But she had to admit she liked the way the lace slid up her thighs.

…

Erin smiles.

“Sorry I startled you.”

Jillian clamps her jaw shut: she hadn’t noticed, but it had fallen slightly open.

Erin gently swirls a glass in one hand, fingertip running along the rim.

“Happy Anniversary.”

…

Jesus, how long did it take to run errands?

Erin sighed. OK, it hadn’t been that long. But it was getting cold.

Quickly, she padded back into the bedroom and to the closet, grabbing the closest thing.

Settling back into position, she realized the shirt was Jillian’s. Oversized and well-loved, the fabric settled comfortably and comfortingly over her shoulders. She turned the collar up and hugged the sleeves close to her. Absentmindedly, she let her fingers stroke her wrist.

OK yeah, this was a good idea.

…

Jillian looks alarmed.

“No! No Holtz, you didn’t forget anything…”

“Anniversary was…”

“Last month, yes.”

“So this is…”

“Not the first date, but the first time we…”

“Oh!”

Erin smiles and bites her lip.

“Oh…” Jillian says softly…

…

“Firsts,” weren’t inherently special, but Erin appreciated them as a way to appreciate the distance between then and now. She toyed with the sleeve of Jillian’s shirt and let her mind drift back. The “then” was the time before anyone had insisted (gently and earnestly) on fucking her in front of a mirror. Before anyone had licked the crook of her arm “just to know what it tasted like.” Before she had started really asking for what she wanted. Before she had ever sat in this chair nearly naked, come to think of it. And “now” was…

Now was fucking incredible.

…

Erin stands, and Jillian nearly falls over.

The practical, pale shade of the lingerie was very Erin but cut much more… ambitiously?... than what she was used to seeing. Her mouth goes dry at the expanse of her collarbone, the swell of her breasts. Jillian swallows.

“Jill, I was so scared, and you were so careful. I’m not even sure that I let you undress me before we turned off the lights.”

Jillian smiles, and Erin moves closer.

“And it felt… it was incredible,” Erin’s voice breaks a little, “And it is incredible. And I wanted to tell you that, and I want to have more of you.”

Erin bites her lip again.

“Jillian, I need you to say something.”

Jillian blinks, “I… I hope you know that you didn’t have to do this.”

“I hope you know that I wanted to.”

…

When Erin heard the key in the lock, she sat up straighter.

She had planned several versions of what she might say… how to properly explain how much she appreciated their trust and the communication. She wanted to sketch out exactly how much Jillian means to her in the context of both their physical and broader romantic relationship (or at least that’s what her notes had said).

But Jillian didn’t see her sitting there, so Erin watched her sweeping the hair from her forehead, biting her lip as she studied something on her phone. She finds Jillian most alluring when she is unguarded like this, which is maybe why she blurts, “You’re beautiful.”

Dammit.

…

“Is that my shirt?” Jillian raises an eyebrow.

Erin gives a small shrug, “I got cold… and it smells like you.”

Jillian breathes in, sharply, then exhales.

“You,” she reaches out and takes the edge of her shirt with her fingertips, drawing it aside like a curtain, “wore this for me?”

Erin nods.

Jillian lets her fingertips rest on Erin’s bare stomach, calm but nearly vibrating with tension. Erin bends so their foreheads can rest lightly together. Jillian’s hands drop to her hips.

“And I’m going to take it off for you. Unless you want to do it…”

Jillian grins, “I may have too many ideas.”

“Show me all of them,” Erin mumbles against her lips, “I love you.”


	38. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the last chapter... because I kept thinking about it!

Erin lays back, one palm swiping at her damp forehead, the other clocking the rapid rise and fall of her ribcage.

She turned her head to where Jillian is lying next to her, face down. After a moment, her tousled head rises from the blankets, mane of hair deliciously tangled, smiling almost sheepishly.

“Humph… Guess we still got it,” she says softly.

…

At the touch of Erin’s lips, Jillian had immediately pulled them flush together.

As relieved as she was that it had gone over so well, Erin realized that she hadn’t bothered to think much about what came next.

It was all up to Jillian now. Which could mean anything.

Jillian let her hands skirt the boundaries of the lingerie, fingertips stroking lightly. Erin shuddered.

Jillian walked them back slowly towards the chair. She let Erin push aside her leather jacket and pulled her own shirt off before dropping to her knees, hooking her fingertips into the sides of the underwear. She looked up at Erin and smiled.

“Were you waiting long?”

…

Jillian turns her head, peering behind her.

With a small grunt, she pushes herself upwards and stretches, reaching for the discarded lingerie at the foot of the bed. She spins, crossing her legs at the ankles, feet resting on the headboard, head at the foot of the bed. Erin rolls onto her side, kisses Jillian’s knee, earning a giggle. She strokes her shin, watching Jillian examine the lace between her fingers.

“I like you in these.”

“I gathered.”

“I like you always, though.”

Erin smiled, “Yeah, you liked me out of them, too.”

Jillian smiled. “Cheesy, Gilbert.”

…

One foot flat on the floor, the other leg flung over Jillian’s shoulder, her fists opened and closed helplessly before finally gripping the arms of the chair.

“Shouldn’t I… ugh, yes _there_ … be the one on my knees?”

“If you could see this you wouldn’t be asking that question.”

…

“Was this the first time you…”

“Dressed up?”

“Yeah.”

“Yes. I mean, my wardrobe is… varying degrees of… fancy. But dressed up and waited? First time.”

“Perfect.”

“Mhum?”

“It was perfect, Er. Really, really sexy.”

…

Erin leaned down, panting slightly, to kiss Jillian.

“God, Jill…”

Jillian didn’t belabour the recovery, standing and pulling Erin up to stand on shaky legs.

“Bedroom.”

Erin stumbled ahead, half-naked. She blushed, bare-assed, hearing Jillian’s footsteps behind her.

“I can feel you watching.”

“You feel correctly.”

At the foot of the bed, Erin drops Jillian’s shirt and starts to turn when Jillian wraps her in a hug from behind, forehead nuzzling between her shoulder blades.

“You know that I love this too right?”

Erin smiled.

“I love when you tell me what you want. For example, when you eventually told me how much you liiiiiike,” Jillian pressed a palm between her shoulderblades, gently guiding Erin to her hands and knees. 

“I didn’t tell you: you figured it out.”

Jillian smiled and learned forward to kiss her shoulder.

“Er, the way you bent for me told me everything I needed to know.”

…

Erin brushes the back of Jillian’s knee, notes the goosebumps. She sits slowly, mulling over the idea of a shower.

“Sore?” Jillian asks, brow furrowed slightly in concern.

“Pleasantly so,” Erin shrugs. Jillian grins wolfishly.

“Do you want…” Erin gestures to the bathroom.

“Go ahead. Still recovering,” Jillian runs her hands over her collarbone.

…

When released, Erin had spun breathlessly to finally, finally reach for Jillian.

 “Can I touch you now?” she breathes. Jillian grins against her lips.

“What did you have in mind?”

“Ugh,” Erin ran her hands up Jillian’s sides, “Everything, Jill. I want to touch you everywhere. You pick. Show me.”

Erin could have sworn she saw Jillian blush in the split second before she laid back. Tugging Erin behind her, she threaded her fingers through Erin’s hair, guiding her mouth to her neck.

“On my back. Please, Erin. Please. Go slow.”

…

Erin frowns.

“Did I leave marks?”

Jillian looks down and shakes her head.

“No, just the initial impression. But that’s in my mind.”

Erin smiles and leans down to kiss Jillian before standing.

“Can’t wait to see what you do for my birthday!” Jillian calls down the hall after her.


	39. Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With all of the world's INSANITY and the #MeToo campaign... I just wanted to write you something nice (and hot and sexy and WITH ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT OH MY GOD, TEAM) so I sat down and banged this out.
> 
> Anyway, picture the Wonder Woman kiss at the appropriate time (you all know what I'm talking about).
> 
> Hope you're all practicing good self-care xo

After the bar, they squish into a cab, and Holtz snuggles into the warmth and the chatter. Patty and Abby push them out at their apartment, and Erin is still chuckling at Patty’s rant about the city’s prohibition-era saloons as she closes the apartment door behind them.

Holtz drops the keys on the table and Erin lines up their shoes next to the door, turning back to each other after ten or twelve heartbeats.

Jillian smiles across the silence between them, and Erin smiles at her goofy, guileless warmth.

“Welcome home,” she says softly, stretching.

“Same to you,” Jillian smiles and takes a step forward, rocking on her toes, “Do you maybe want to…”

“Yes,” Erin smiles, slipping her arms around Jillian’s waist, kissing her temple.

“… have sex?” Jillian clarifies.

Erin laughs and nods, “Yeah, Jill, I got that. Yes.”

Jillian smiles even wider, wrapping her arms around Erin. Erin brings her hand lightly to her cheek.

“You looked so pretty at the bar,” she mumbles, almost to herself.

Jillian bites her lip.

“I mean it, Jill. I couldn’t stop staring at your lips. I thought Abby’s eyes were going to be permanently stuck pointing at the ceiling.”

Jillian giggles, “She loves you.”

“She does. And she loves you.”

“But she maybe doesn’t want to think about us having sex.”

Erin smiles, “Exactly.”

Jillian nods matter-of-factly, “Even I know that.”

Jillian looks towards the bedroom.

“Lips, huh?”

Erin blushes and her eyes dart down involuntarily. Jillian catches it and it makes her grin. Jillian leans in and kisses the side of her neck, softly.

“Yes…” it’s almost a hiss as Erin can feel her temperature rise, “Yes… please.” She can feel Jillian smile against her neck as she raises a hand to cup her cheek. Erin leans into the touch, bringing her own hand lightly to the back of Jillian’s neck. When the second kiss is pressed into her jawline, she inhales, eyes sliding closed and she turns her face towards Jillian’s…

… just as she pulls back, catching Erin as she stumbles forward into empty space.

Erin shakes her head, dazed with lust and confusion as Jillian tugs her to the bedroom.

“Wha… did you change your…”

Jillian brings them to a stop in front of the bed.

“Definitely not, Erin. Are you still…” Jillian pauses with her hands on the buttons of Erin’s shirt, searching her face for permission.

“Yes, me too… but, confused…”

“I mean, what’s a few more minutes to wait…” Jillian shrugged. Erin’s eyes narrow as Jillian nudges her to the mattress, climbing over her and gently pinning her wrists beside her head.

“Comfy?” Jillian asks, face a foot above Erin’s.

“Worried…” she replies, doing her best to look stern.

Jillian smiles and licks her bottom lip, leaning down. Erin sighs and brings her face upward…

… as Jillian pulls up again.

Erin groans and falls back, fingers twitching. Jillian brings her thigh up snugly between Erin’s legs, letting her weight press down gently. Erin shudders.

“What’s wrong, Erin?”

Erin inhales deeply, “You’re teasing.”

“A bit.”

“No problem, I can wait.”

“Can you?” Jillian replies, skeptically.

“Oh yeah, I’m…” she breaks off as Jillian pushes down and she grinds up involuntarily, “per-r-r-fectly comfortable,” she stutters out.

“Oh yeah?” Jillian asks, brightly, “So whatcha thinkin’ about?”

“Just… the day.”

“Hmmm. Not kissing?”

“Ha! No.”

“Not kissing me?”

“Definitely not,” Erin studiously maintains eye contact, “Maybe never again, after this.”

“Nooo,” Jillian stretches out the word, “Course not.”

“Like…” Erin looks at the ceiling, desperately trying to maintain a neutral expression as Jillian slowly starts to rock back and forth, “Why did we… even… do… that… again?”

Jillian nods, “Definitely not to taste you.”

Erin swallows, “Right…”

“Or feel your tongue slide into my mouth…”

Erin swallows.

“Or listen to your breathing…”

“I can breathe louder…”

“I’ll bet,” Jillian’s eyes drop to her lips, “Or to have you close and touch you all over…”

“We’re close now!”

Jillian smiles and stills, her voice an octave lower, “So it’s settled, no more kissing. It’s very bad.”

Erin swallows again.

“But then, you know how sometimes when you decide not to do something, you want it even more?”

Jillian nuzzles the side of her neck, licking and then biting sharply, “No.”

“Jillian!”

“OK, maybe…”

“So, like… hear me out… maybe the best way to stop kissing is just to, ugh, totally go for it.”

“Hmm?”

“Just like, kiss me all over…” Erin laughs nervously, flushing scarlet, “And it’ll be like, whatever. Who even cares?”

Jillian nods, slowly, “I think I’m getting it.”

Erin swallows.

“Good plan. But where would I start?”

“I dunno, whatever’s closest?” Erin cranes her neck, looking down at her open shirt.

Jillian smiles and drops her face, nuzzling Erin’s cleavage. Erin’s wrists flex in her grip. She kisses lightly over her chest, humming to herself, mildly annoyed that this bra clasps in the back. She started the teasing, but she's forgetting herself, because she's probably done this a hundred times, but the dull thud she can hear beating from below the hard ribs and soft flesh still feels like a miracle. She follows the sternum until her arms are full extended, she raises an eyebrow at Erin.

“Are you going to be good?”

Erin nods, too flustered to speak.

“Stay here?”

Erin groans and Jillian lets go of her wrists, slowly kissing further down over soft stomach. As she draws her hands away, Erin catches one, kissing her fingertips. Jillian looks up just as Erin takes a finger in her mouth, sucking gently, holding Jillian’s gaze.

Jillian’s eyes darken. “Off. Now,” she pulls Erin up, popping the button of her jeans with her free hand. Erin grins, standing and shucking her jeans as quickly as possible.

“What’s the matter, I thought there was no big…”

Her gloating is abruptly silenced as Jillian brings their lips together, fingers winding into her hair. She hears herself moan against Jillian’s lips as she kisses her, agonizingly slowly.

Erin sits down on the bed, hard, tugging Jillian toward her.

When she opens her eyes, Jillian is kneeling over her lap, grinning at her.

“Did… did your legs just give out?” Jillian’s voice drops.

Erin swallows, bunching the front of Jillian’s shirt in her fists. Jillian’s face breaks into a grin.

“Oh god, you’re going to be impossible forever now, aren’t you?”

“I wasn’t before?”

Erin groans and lays back flat, pulling Jillian down over her.

“Just get down here and kiss me some more.”


	40. Ears

“Did you know that ears are like fingerprints?” 

Erin looked up from her magazine to where Jillian was curled up next to her on the couch. Reaching down, she smiled, slowly tracing the shell of her ear with a fingertip.

“Yeah, I think I heard that,” Jillian smiles at the sensation, not opening her eyes, “Biometric identification?”

“Mhmm,” Erin tucked a strand of blonde hair behind the ear, “Ratios and proportions are unchanged as we grow… I dunno, based on this they seem to still have a way to go.”

“Physicists mocking the lowly biologists.”

“Hey!”

“Engineer… I must be like a plumber to you.”

Erin rolls her eyes and gently tugs on the earlobe. Jillian groans.

“Did you know that I really like that?”

Erin smiles, “Yeah, I did.”

“Tease. Ear tease.”

Erin rolls her eyes and turns the page, fingertips of her free hand lightly stroking blonde curls.


	41. Memento

Jillian strolled in whistling, arms full of bags.

At the sound of the apartment door slamming, Erin woke with a start, bolting upright on the couch.

Jillian froze and winced, “Oh shit… sorry, Er…”

Erin started blankly.

Jillian frowned and shook her head, “I’m so… sorry. Just not used to someone else being in the space, and I forget…” she deposited her bags on the counter and turned back to Erin, “I’ll try to do better,” she said mournfully, shrugging off her heavy jacket.

Erin swallowed, “Really, Jill… thanks, it’s ok… it… happens…” Jillian stared back, stuffing her gloves into the pocket of her discarded jacket, “What’s up? Bad dream?”

Erin’s eyes darted down to her cleavage and back, “No… um… the opposite, actually…”

Jillian’s jaw dropped before her lips slid into a smile, “Seriously? Was it about me? Was I any good?” she licks her bottom lip, “Or was I being… bad.”

Erin's blush deepened, “Oh God.”

Jillian pushed her hair back, crossing her arms expectantly.

“OK fine, you were good. Dream-you was very sexy!”

Jillian smirked.

Erin blew out a sigh, “In fact, it… it was very… realistic. It took me a second to figure out that we hadn’t just been…”

Jillian laughs.

“Don’t laugh! It’s embarrassing.”

“It’s incredibly flattering. And don’t worry.”

“Why? Cause it’s normal?” Erin snorted sarcastically.

“I dunno what’s normal, Erin, come on,” Jillian raised an eyebrow, grabbing something from the bag and heading to the cupboards, “but I promise if you’ll have me later, you’ll remember it afterwards.”


	42. Need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO drunk and SO single.

She’s trying to move gingerly, to be careful with her bony joints, but the fingertips on her upper arms squeeze encouragement, and she exhales and lets her weight press Jillian down into the mattress.

They’re a messy tangle of limbs, and Erin moves her hands like she’s trying to find the part of Jillian that’s driven her mad. Jillian is a dizzying array of textures under her fingers: smooth skin, rough scratches, soft lips, and a threadbare cotton shirt that she will try to throw away later but end up stealing instead.

Erin has loved other people – happily joined them in bed after cleaning up and brushing her teeth. Exchanged passionate and minty Colgate kisses. Right now, the dishes are in the sink and Jillian tastes like spaghetti bolognese. Erin hears herself whimper and she knows she’s never craved anybody like this before.

…

One hundred and twenty pounds of any other person would have suffocated her by now, but Jillian contentedly works her hands slowly over the body pressing down from above her.

Their kisses are hot and insistent and Erin touches her _everywhere_ but she’s allowed to because she forgives her for _everything_ – for near-nuclear mishaps, for playing with space and time, for having a perspective that sits just askew of the rest of the world’s – all the things for which she can’t quite forgive herself.

Erin threads her fingers through her hair, and the sound she hears herself make is somewhere between a laugh and a sob.


	43. Good

Erin struggles to keep her breathing steady, grinding in slow circles in Jillian’s lap on the couch.

Jillian’s breath is hot on her chest and her hands roam over her back, and she doesn’t think she’s ever felt sexier.

She grinds down a little harder, which must push the harness against Jillian because she hears her gasp. She leans back slightly and tilts Jillian’s chin upward with a finger. Her expression is hazy with desire, and Erin leans down and brings their lips together, swiping her tongue along her lower lip.

“Hey,” she’s surprised at how low her voice is, “You good?”

Erin can see a thought flash across her face as she feels the hands move to her ass.

“I dunno, Erin,” she says softly, shifting her gently back before guiding her down _deeper_. Erin gasps. Jillian sits up a little straighter.

“You tell me? Am I _good_?” she whispers, eyes fixed on Erin’s face, gaze steady.

She grips Jillian’s shoulders and Jillian holds her there. Her gaze is like a spotlight, and Erin should feel scrutinized, should want to squirm away, should want to make a joke, but instead her answer is immediate.

“Yes. So, good, Jill,” she says softly. She sees Jillian’s temple twitch, slides her fingers to interlace behind Jillian’s neck.

“You’re so fucking good,” she says, voice breathy.

Jillian inhales deeply and her hands begin to move, guiding Erin up and down excruciatingly slowly.

“I… fuck,” Erin gasps. Her thigh muscles strain in an attempt to move faster, and Jillian stops, hands gripping like a vice.

Erin looks back at Jillian, who is sitting taut with self-control, one eyebrow raised.

She swallows and closes her eyes. With effort, she relaxes into Jillian’s hands, and when she open her eyes Jillian’s smiling. “So good,” she repeats, and she can’t help a small gasp when Jillian begins to move again.

Erin leans forward, wrapping her arms around Jillian’s shoulder. Her face is pressed next to Jillian’s ear, and in between breaths she whispers, “You’re so good Jill.”

“It’s us, Erin,” she groans, slowly speeding up, “ _We’re_ good.”

Jillian’s hands rest on her hips as she rides now, their movements in sync. The pressure slowly builds until Erin can only choke out one coherent thought,

“Please don’t stop.”


	44. Yes

Kneeling over Erin’s lap, Jillian clutches the headboard, her breathing heavy as Erin kisses earnestly across her chest.

She dips her head to the side in an attempt to bring their faces in line, and Erin meets her with quite possibly the most obscene kiss of their relationship, bringing her hands from Jillian’s breasts to thread through her hair.

Erin firmly guides her back upright with hands entwined in her hair, meeting her eyes steadily.

“Stay.”

Jillian obeys wordlessly, and lets herself be held, naked and straddling Erin’s lap. The denim of Erin’s jeans is rough on the inside of her thighs, and her gaze stays fixed on Erin’s expression as her eyes rake over her body. Completely bare, she wonders why she’s not shaking.

Erin works her fingers loose from blonde tangles, her hands drop and slide hungrily and reassuringly from the back of her thighs up to her shoulders, smiling up at Jillian. Jillian manages a small smile in return before Erin leans forward and takes a breast in her mouth.

“Fuck,” Jillian breathes at the ceiling.

“Oh we will,” Erin nuzzles her chest before looking up at her.

Jillian swallows and squeezes her eyes closed.

“Is this OK, Jill?” Erin murmurs against her sternum.

Jillian nods.

“I need to hear you say it.”

Jillian shudders.

“Ok, fine, I have my suspicions, but I _want_ to hear you say it,” Erin tilts her face again, raised a hand to re-tuck the hair behind Jillian’s ear.

“Yes,” Jillian pants.

“It’s OK that I have you like this?”

“Yes.”

“Completely naked for me?”

“Yes.” Jillian shivers. Erin slides her hands from her ribs over her stomach to rest on her hipbones.

“Yes?” Erin asks, bringing the fingertips of one hand to rest lightly just below her bellybutton.

As Erin (finally) circles her clit, it’s a whisper and a hiss

“Yes.”


End file.
